|Posted by MASO on August 7, 2012 at 7:25 AM|
By: MASO Staff
It breaks my heart to read and hear so many stories of victims of abuse whether child abuse, domestic abuse, sex abuse, or systemic abuse. It is difficult enough to hear the stories of a child victimized by a perpetrator and the desperate pleas for help. It is even more devastating to witness the parent who was a victim themself either discredit their child's abuse or makes attempts to normalize it.
I had a talk the other day with a teenager whose friend was sexually abused. As a direct result of the child reporting the abuse, her friend’s family disowned her and this young girl is facing "the system" alone. Granted the perpetrator is facing the courts and a family member in law enforcement faces termination for failing to report. However, to the victim, it pales in comparison to the feelings of abandonment of the unsupportive family to this child victim.
When I mentioned the importance of a support system and a clear pathway to healing, she said "she doesn't want it" because the mother who was sexually abused too by someone in the same family disowned her. She just wants it over. Unfortunately, it will not be over, until those other things are matched. Even when the “system” is done, there usually remains an emptiness unless true healing is obtained. It is very disheartening to hear such stories.
My words to the children out there who are being abused, you have nothing to hide. You have nothing to be ashamed about. The person or persons who victimized and/or violated you are the ones who need to be held accountable. Not you. There are people out there who do care about you … who want to be there for you … who want to help you heal … and in my opinion, are angels on earth. Have faith and trust in yourself when all else fails and stick to the truth. Always.
My words to especially those Parents who were victims of abuse yourself, you out of anyone should know the feelings of isolation and the courage to come forward despite the numerous threats made to the victim to keep quiet or else. How dare you subject your own children to the same fate. You claim you got over it. Clearly not, because your child desperately needs you yet you abandoned them.
Please .... for your sake as well as your child .... love them ... support them ... BE their rock .... BE the person you needed at your time of need that was not there. By helping your child heal, you help break the cycle of abuse. You help save your future grandchildren from going through the same experiences and fate. Have the courage if not for yourself, but for your future generations to come.
God knows how difficult life may have been for you and the horrible experiences you endured. It is ok to cry. It is ok to feel the pain. It is ok to say what happened to you was wrong. It is ok to grieve. It is ok to finally have enough and move past it. Then let go and let God. Please do not make your child suffer the same fate. Please do not tell your child get over it, because you turned out fine. If that were true, your child would not be alone going through the pain of being violated and re-victimized by the very people who were supposed to keep them safe.
You cannot change what you cannot acknowledge. Talking and truly healing from your own abuses you endured in the past is a start. Confronting your abuser in an appropriate manner with the help of a professional can help you release the invisible ties that bind you. Then BE the one light in the darkness your child needs. Do not make them go through this alone. Remember, when you were in their shoes, how desperate you felt just to have someone believe you without judging or condemning you.
Finally, to the parent who supports your child regardless of the claims, may you continue to shine brightly in the world as a pillar of strength to all around you. May the rest of the world stand by you and flock to your side. May you find the voice to be one that breaks the silence. May the truth prevail. May true justice be served and true healing begin.
As a society, we must learn to protect the victim and not the offending abuser. "Alone we are weak ... Together we are strong.”
For More Information:
MASO ~ Massachusetts Survivors Outreach
Research ~ Advocating ~ Holistic Healing For Victims of Abuse
Email: [email protected]